According to one poor sole "I am a little hard of hearing so you can understand why I didn't see the cyclist." Perhaps some sort of hearing aid and a trip to Specsavers is needed

Letting an uninsured person who can't drive rally around in your car is probably not the greatest of ideas, but calling up to enquire about his insurance status is just one step beyond "I am planning to lend my car to someone who doesn't know how to drive, but beforehand can you please confirm that you'll pay for the damage he is likely to cause?"

This has to be one of my favourite claims. One accident prone chap allegedly followed up on his car insurance claim with this particular gem: "I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."

They say that the old ones are the best: "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."

Last, but not least: "I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."

According to one claimant the accident was absolutely, 100% not his fault. In his defence the man suggested "I pulled away from the lay by, looked over at my mother-in-law and flew straight over the embankment." Sounds more like an attempt at matricide-in-law...

A claimant who had a run in with a cow made this particular statement:The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.

Sometimes it's hard to apportion blame, but when it comes to insurance claims it's generally someone else fault: "No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert."

Sometimes it's just best to go for the ridiculous: "I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."

When you know that things are going wrong then you might as well embrace it with full gusto: "When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."