Ari: People, staff meeting has been canceled. You all have one goal today: to get Vincent Chase's brother, Johnny Chase, a job. Any job! I don't care if it's a porn shoot in which he is being gang raped by a gaggle of silverback apes, if there are cameras rolling, everybody wins. 10 grant for anyone that can deliver this to me, today.

(Ari, Mrs. Gold and Sarah Gold are going to Temple for Yom Kippur) Sarah: I hate this, I'm starving. Ari: Now you know what mommy goes through every day to make a hot body for daddy.

I'd say Hug It Out but i don't want you drawing wood!

Call me Helen Keller because I'm a fucking miracle worker!

They drive that way in Tienanmen Square, bitch?!

Ari: I want you to pass this message along to Dana. Tell her that I still have the pictures from Cancun, tell her that I'm gonna start a website. I will take a full page ad out in the L.A. Times advertising it. Tell her it will be called imahollywoodexecutivewhore.com and that no password or fee will be required. Tell her I Want A Fucking Call Back!

Ari: So you know.. After the year that I've had, and on the most important day of my life, you think that she would ask me what I wanted!? You know, a nice blowjob perhaps. Where I could just site back for the first time in nine months and do nothing but admire the top of her head, and *pray* that this fucking movie opens so I can stop selling off assets like we're fucking Micheal Jackson.

Mrs. Ari (doesn't want Ari to pick up his phone during couples therapy): I ask for one hour of a day for his undivided attention, and I can't even have that. Ari: You could have it if you want to live in Agoura fucking Hills, and go to group therapy. But if you want a Beverly Hills mansion and you want a country club membership, and you want 9 weeks a year in a Tuscan villa, than I'm gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a motherfucking Wednesday.

(Ari's trying to sneak out the door) Mrs. Ari: Where are you going Ari? Ari: I-i have a meeting... Mrs. Ari: At the Playboy Mansion?? Ari: You know, Playboy Mansion, strip clubs, whore houses, I go where the meetings are. It's my fucking job.

Ari: Why the fuck did you just tell him that I had a more important lunch? You think that's gonna put a smile on his face? Lloyd: What did you want me to say? Ari: That I have a huge wart on my cock that needs removal would've been better! Wake the fuck up Lloyd!